Saturday, February 27, 2010

All Over the World (1993)

All Over the World

Here's the 1993 faux documentary ALL OVER THE WORLD starring one of HK cinema's resident pervs, Lee Chung-ling. While Lee's in and output can't overcome the king of CAT III copulation Charlie Cho Cha-lee, he sure as hell tries. While not an attractive sort by any means, Lee seems to have been one of maybe a half a dozen actors who continuously got tail in the golden era of HK CAT III's. Charlie Cho Cha-lee of course springs to mind immediately, followed by James Wong Jim and Tommy Wong Kwong-leung. The latter briefly appearing in this film. Also briefly showing up is one of the fair princesses of CAT III boinkers, the late Pauline Chan Bo-lin. I may have a future post about the tragedy of Pauline. It all depends on my level of laziness.

The film follows Lee around parts of Asia and Europe as he tours various red light districts and shops their wares. He has a gay old time visiting PR hostess clubs, nude musical revues, strip joints, massage parlors, AV shoots, nude beaches, and even a shrine to the all mighty penis. The shrines gift shop selling knick knacks of nick nocks.

Lee also indulges in local cuisine. The cuisine famous for being an aphrodisiac. These scenes are mondo-ish stomach churners as we see a chef slice into a live turtle (pictured above) and the preparation of a live eel. After slurping up turtle soup and eel on a stick, Lee is ready to lay some pipe.

In his travels Lee has a few bang around interludes with various women of the trade, sometimes calling on a call girl or massage therapist for a quick release before moving on to his next destination. There is a ton of flesh on display for you pervs out there. A lot of things bounce and jiggle and others could use the service of heavy duty weed whacker.

The film is co-directed by Terry Tong Gei-ming who's career seemed to take an odd trajectory. Starting out as a HK 'new wave' director with fine films like COOLIE KILLER and HONG KONG GRAFFITI, his gears seemed to change in the direction of more risque cinema with dirty genre classics like GIGOLO AND WHORE, CASH ON DELIVERY, one of the many films entitled FATAL LOVE, and this fun skin filled romp. And I would like to thank him for it. Well, at least for CASH ON DELIVERY. Mmmmm....Veronica Yip Yuk-hing. The Tai Seng VHS that I viewed was unsubtitled but who needs distracting subtitles when you have other things to focus on?

Hey! Wait a second! This isn't the chicks with d***s section?!

All About Ah-Long (1989)

All About Ah-Long

Chow Yun-suave

The Dramatic Trio

ALL ABOUT AH-LONG is an early Johnnie To Ke-fung melodrama from 1989 and it's story, for the most part, appears to be in stark contrast to To's later uber moody, dark themed gangster classics. Chow Yun-fat was hitting his big screen stride around this time period and is rather nicely cast. Sylvia Chang Ai-chia, who usually has such a fun and perky screen persona, plays it straight here and with aplomb. The film is overly dramatic and pours it on thick sometimes. This reasoning finding many detractors claiming the flick is unfocused and too much of a mixed bag. Hello?! Have you seen a HK movie?! The mixed bag-hybrid style of this era is what hooked me and kept me coming back for more. Hong Kong cinema began turning south when this effervescent and devil-may-care stlye of film making ceased. Though I feel most of the reason behind the film's negative views is the popularity of To's later gangster films. I think people saw To's later pics and then sought out his earlier work like ALL ABOUT AH-LONG. They revolted a bit when it wasn't what they expected from To. Anyway, that's my take. Ng Man-tat, always welcome, also stars in the film along with child actor Wong Kwan-yuen, who is actually pretty darn good. A few posts back I mentioned my disdain for HK child actors and their sometimes need for a whuppin'. Wong Kwan-yuen gets a pass here. Good job kiddo.

Friday, February 26, 2010

VHS fun!

Toronto Banana Gal, Revenge of Scar Face, I Love Maria
TORONTO BANANA GAL appears to be an unsubtitled shot on video shitter. But with an awesome title. The big names here are Hugo Ng Doi-yung and Nora Miao Ke-hsiu. I tried to wade through this crap for you guys but this garbage was like Nyquil. It helped me get my zzzzzz's. REVENGE OF SCAR FACE is a 1992 low budget actioner starring Ken Lo Wai-kwong. A few decent action scenes but largely ho-hum. And of course everyone here should already know about I LOVE MARIA. I featured the poster for this immensely enjoyable flick a few posts back.

Fury in Red, Hero of Tomorrow, Female Internment Camp
FURY IN RED is a fine action film from 1991 starring Robin Shou Wan-bo, Ben Ng Ngai-cheung, and Conan Lee Yuen-ba. It's by the numbers and resembles many other films of the era but is worth your time. HERO OF TOMORROW is another fine film. Max Mok Siu-chung and Michael Miu Kiu-kwai headline this familiar triad action drama. Director Poon Man-kit is well known for his big budget epics like TO BE NUMBER ONE and LORD OF THE EAST CHINA SEA films and is a director who takes great care in his films. HERO OF TOMORROW is no exception. FEMALE INTERNMENT CAMP is another unsubed shot on video disappointment. This film is curious to me because director Andy Chin Wing-keung seemed to have been an established director with films like GIGOLO AND WHORE II, CALL GIRL '92, and the sudsy soapy action melodrama LOVE AMONG THE TRIAD. After FEMALE INTERNMENT CAMP, Chin went on to direct a handful of fine flicks, leaving this crapper a curiosity piece. It was financed by the mainland, and doesn't appear to have any dirty exploitation elements the sweet title suggests, so I assume it was for mainland TV. I could do a little more research on the film but i'm lazy so I won't.

The Supernormal, Blood Call, The Son of Dragon
THE SUPERNORMAL is a documentary and admittedly, I have yet to watch it. It's at the low end of my ever-growing stack of movies I want to watch. BLOOD CALL (aka BLOODBATH 23 AKA LIFE GAMBLE 23) is a nicely filmed moody thriller from 1988 starring Max Mok Siu-chung, Eddy Ko Hung, Charlie Cho Cha-lee, Michael Chow Man-kin, and Maria Tung Ling. Seek this one out. It's a rare gem. THE SON OF DRAGON (aka SON OF DRAGON, aka DRAGON ROOT) is a dime a dozen actioner straight out 1992 starring Cheung Kwok-keung, Philip Ko-fei, and the late Kwan Hoi-san. It's directed by character actor Addy Sung Gam-loi who looks like the Crypt keeper. He is also referred to as Big Little Eye, and if you see his lovely mug you will know why. THE SON OF DRAGON is just as action films of the early 90's should be. Low budget and sweaty. I'm a sucker for this kind of film and I recommend THE SON OF DRAGON highly, even though you've seen it before.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Magic Crystal (1986)

Magic Crystal

Cynthia and Andy


Bye! See you later, alligator!

Poster images for Wong Jing's 1986 action fantasy MAGIC CRYSTAL. This goofy little romp features Andy Lau, Cynthia Rothrock, Max Mok Siu-chung, Richard Norton, Nat Chan Pak-cheung, Philip Ko Fei, Sharla Cheung Man, and the schlockmeister himself...a one Mr. Wong Jing. Also starring a cutesy little kid, Siu Ban-ban, who deserves kudos for managing to not be annoying and deserving of a swift kick in the pants. I find the majority of HK children actors to be screeching brats and going the right way for a wire hanger to the backside. The film evolves around a green, or jade colored rock, the crystal of the title, that has otherworldly powers....well, because it actually IS from another world. The magical jade rock helps the goodies defeat the baddies. And all is right with the world. Hooray!
As you can see by the last poster image the poster is just a tad ruined. Ok, it's a lot ruined. It appears that a label was stuck to this portion of the poster, obscuring the handsome little E.T. creature whom the 'magic crystal' belongs to. So, I went the extra mile and posted a screen cap of the little bugger. You're welcome. Looks like an ex-girlfriend of mine.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Crazy Safari (1991)

Crazy Safari

You know....they say Ostrich has less fat, but you eat more of it!?

Can I kick it? Yes you can.

Come to me my jungle friends!

Fun poster with a ton going on just like the actual film. Directed by Billy Chan Wu-ngai, CRAZY SAFARI is a 1991 action/comedy/hopping vampire hybrid thats lovingly all of the freakin' place. Sadly, they don't make them like this anymore. CRAZY SAFARI is the first film, in an unrelated HK trilogy, that starred the popular Nambian bushman/ actor N!xau. All three HK efforts, CRAZY SAFARI, CRAZY HONG KONG, and THE GODS MUST BE FUNNY IN CHINA, are all supposed sequels to the film that brought N!xau fame, THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY. But i'm sure you already knew that. Also starring everyone's favorite Taoist Priest, Lam Ching-ying, and narration by Stephen Chow Sing-chi and Ng Man-tat. Crazy indeed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Rape and Die (1983)

Poster for the 1983 crime drama RAPE AND DIE, directed by Lee Wing-cheung. The film presents a CAT III title paired with a CAT III premise. The follow through, though, is lacking that oh-so satisfying CAT III panache, which makes it a little disappointing for filth and funk genre enthusiasts looking for a nice late night flick to tuck them into bed. The title seems more suited for a film like Billy Tang's wonderfully deranged RED TO KILL, but the story unfolds in a cautionary after school special kinda way. With, of course, a few nasty elements thrown in to put asses in the seats. Filmed in a tight, sweaty, and low class tenement area of Hong Kong, the film follows the story of a fractured family using the tired story of parental indiscretion leading to troubled youth.

Elaine Chow Sau-laan is the focus of this dark feature and this poor girl is put through the ringer. To start, she has her first monthly visit from auntie flow while in gym class and then proceeds to get ridiculed by classmates. A scene reminiscent of Brian DePalma's CARRIE, less the playtex chucking. Poor little poor girl. And from here, thing's just go downhill quick. Her mom's dirtbag boyfriend, played by and early and afroed Ng Man-tat, pimps the mom out for pocket money. Trying to find solace in her estranged pops arms she also discovers he has a taste for ye ole in-out with women of the night. She then latches on to a friend working as a PR hostess who gives her a job as a 'fish ball girl'. Thanks to Otto Chan and James Wong's sex "documentary" UNDER THE ROSE, I have learned that 'fish ball girl' is the slang term for a teenage prostitute. 'Fish ball' referring to the size of their chest. Thanks again Otto and James! Love you. She reconciles with mom, moves back in, and dirtbag Man-tat rapes her (hence the title). She becomes pregnant with his demon seed, tries to get an abortion, both underground and by self means. Some silly side story involving a young Ray Liu and some triads is used as filler. She gives birth. Tries to dump the newborn in the trash. Almost gets caught by the po-po. Runs. Bumps into Man-tat. He tries to rape her...again. She stabs him about his happy area with a broken bottle and he dies (hence the title). Her mom takes the rap for her. The end.

As seedy as the film sounds, you know, raping and dying and dumping babies in the garbage and such, it is filmed as a more dramatic piece. The combination of dirt and morals is presented here as a mixed bag. The story could have definitely worked well on it's own as a dramatic piece but I doubt would have found a following. And adding a little sex and blood rarely hurts a film so....why not? If the film were made ten years later during the high water mark of the CAT III genre, who knows the heights of trash this film could have achieved?! As is, RAPE AND DIE is not a bad film. It just should have been more. Trash and moral wise.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Angel III (1989)

Angel trois

Mr. Alex "Jet Pack" Fong

Chan Shing-wai and the dangerously adorable Moon Lee

Would you like to touch my reptile?

Poster for the 1989 heyday actioner ANGEL III. ANGEL III was the final film in the ANGEL series and the second to be directed by Teresa Woo San. All three films stared Moon Lee and Alex Fong as part of a team dubbed "The Angels", this installment sadly missing the third Angel, Elaine Lui. The ANGEL films were, I believe, my intro into the 'girls-with-guns' sub-genre of HK cinema. I bought the first ANGEL film on VHS from Xenon video under the title MIDNIGHT ANGELS. I bought it from The Wiz. Because nobody beats him. I also bought the second part of the trilogy on Xenon VHS from Mr. Wiz, MIDNIGHT ANGELS II. If I can find them, i'll surely post. This installment was the most wild of the trilogy, moving the action from HK to Thailand. In quite possibly one of the most unforgettable and off-the-wall scenes ever to come out of HK, Alex Fong and Chan Shing-gwai don jet packs and fly around gunning down the baddies. If you are on Facebook, please check out the fun fan page tribute to the one and only, Alex 'Jet Pack' Fong.

Below, the infamous scene. Enjoy.

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Mystery of the Big Boobs (1993)

The Mystery of the Big Boobs

They're staring at me!

$1.99 VCD. Overpriced.

Category I??? Huh? What the...????

Before I begin this post I would just like to wish everyone my most awkward anglicized all of the Cantonese speaking boys and gals out there...GUNG HAY FAT CHOI! SAN NIN FAAI LOK! And I musn't forget my Mandarin speaking friends...GONG XI FA CAI! XIN NIAN KUAI LE! I would also like to my cleaned up, intelligent to the ear, trying not to sound too much like a 'New Yawker' verbiage, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! And now on with the show! It's the Year of the Tiger! RAWR! It's also Valentine's Day. And to celebrate, I tried to figure out what connects these two good time holiday's. And I came up with boobies. Boobies are fun, just like these holidays. I celebrate boobies, just like these holidays. And boobies come in two's....most of the time....just like these holiday's. Well, this year anyway. THE MYSTERY OF THE BIG BOOBS aka THE MYSTERY OF BIG BOOBS, is quite possibly one of the best titles ever! I prefer the misspelled title of the VHS and VCD pictured above, THE MISTERY OF BIG BOOBS. Because who needs a "Y" when you can have an "I"? Unfortunately the film is a monumental shitter. It's a shot on video G rated craptacular directed by Jeng Wing-chu, who also directed the very fine DEMONESS FROM THE THOUSAND YEARS and THE ROAR OF THE VIETNAMESE. Coming into this film knowing that the director had previously made some fine cinema, one expects something similar in range. At least production value. Clifton Ko Chi-sum produces this unsubtitled refuse that hasn't a hint of living up to it's wonderful Category III title. The title may lead some to believe the film might be something along the lines of a Cash Chin "coming of age" skin flick like THE FRUIT IS SWELLING, THE FRUIT IS RIPE or just a ripping Cat III sex romp detective yarn containing rather large mammaries as the macguffin? Neither is true as this crap wears out it's welcome within the first 10 minutes. The film stars FULL CONTACT whore Bonnie Fu Yuk-jing and the lovely Crystal Kwok Gam-yan. I'm sure you remember Ms. Bonnie Fu from FULL CONTACT? She was the one with "a vomiting crab" in the hole in her underpants. I would much rather have a vomiting crab in the hole in my underpants than sit through this shit again.

I Love Maria (1988)

I Love Maria

Sally Yeh

Tony Leung Chiu-wai

Tsui Hark

John Shum Kin-fun

The kids are alright....

Valentine's Day is just around the bend so I thought I would throw out a poster with the word LOVE in the title. IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE, LOVE AMOEBA STYLE, LOVE TO KILL, LOVE IS OVER???? Nah. Some poster images from the totally cool 1988 sci-fi/action/comedy/romance flicker I LOVE MARIA, directed by David Chung Chi-man. If you have found yourself at this blog you well know that HK cinema lacks an actual Science Fiction "genre" ( I say the word genre with air quotations because I find it difficult to catagorize sci-fi as a genre...but that might be a story for another time. Or maybe one of your queries?) Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know there have been a few HK films with a sci fi milieu, THE FINAL TEST, FUTURE HERO, and maybe WICKED CITY and ROBOTRIX. I'm sure there are a few more that I know of or have seen but it's late, this is all I can come up with, and I don't care to search the net because i'm too lazy. Anywho, I LOVE MARIA is an excellent film all around. There is nary a stray note in the production and it is a fun, silly, exciting, and loopy time.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I heart VCD's

The Unpublicizable File, False Lady, Devil Fetus

Some more VCD's from my collection. Some excellent titles, if not excellent movies, in this batch. THE UNPUBLICIZEABLE FILE is a cheap and dirty Cat III thriller from 1993. The only name of note in this THE UNTOLD STORY rip-off is excellent character actor William Ho Ka-kui. It sometimes appears as two separate films smushed together, and quite possibly is. The two separate paths do eventually cross though and the film is satisfying in it's Cat III excess, ie. boobies and blood. Good times.

Whore and Policewoman, Another Piece of Romance, Pizza Express

Another fine title and film is the 1993 actioner WHORE AND POLICEMAN, starring Michiko Nishiwaki, Julia Cheng Yim-lai, and one of my favorites (and profile pic), Charlie Cho Cha-lee. It's a kind-of by the numbers action flick with moments of stylish Cat III givings. It was directed by Wong Gwok-chue who also directed Michiko in another Cat III goodie, PASSIONATE KILLING IN THE DREAM.
Charlie Cho Cha-lee headlines another flick shown above, the wacky adultery flick, ANOTHER PIECE OF ROMANCE. This one concerns a gaggle of spurned wives who seek out revenge on their philandering husbands. The film includes a bunch of trans genders (nudity included!), as well as a transgender Anita Mui look-a-like!? A funny scene to watch for and behold is Charlie Cho getting his comeuppance as his wife slices off captain winky and tosses it into a flock of ducks. One of the duck's runs off with Cho's dismembered member in it's bill. Hysterical stuff!

The Six Devil Women, Baroness, Tattoo Girl

A few others that I advocate looking for are the 1983 horror film DEVIL FETUS, the low budget 1996 Cat III crime film THE SIX DEVIL WOMEN, starring "Mystical Breasts" Diana Pang Dan, Jimmy Wong Shu Shu-kei, and William Ho Ka-kui, and finally 1992 Cat III comedy FALSE LADY. The latter is a HK variation of the 1991 American film SWITCH, directed by Blake Edwards. All three are satisfying entries in their particular genre. One to avoid like sickly looking cat is the B&S produced PIZZA LOVER. It's a shot on digital video piece of turd starring absolutely no one you really care about. If you remember from my THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BOYS ROOM post, B&S was that low budget production company that produced shit fest after shit fest with only a few nuggets rising to the top.

Also of note here is the Anthony Wong Chau-sang film BARONESS. Now, while the film isn't anything to seek out, it is the first VCD I ever purchased. It was around the year 2000 and I was a frequent visitor to a nearby flea market that had a kung-fu VHS stall run by a few shady characters. They were duping HK flicks to VHS and selling them for 10 bucks a pop! As I mentioned in previous posts, at this particular time, there weren't that many outlets to by HK flicks. These guys were no better than the gray market companies I was dealing with but they were at least $10 cheaper. So I frequented their little stall of ill repute almost daily, scoring a "good" deal every now and then for being a frequent flyer. Eventually they branched out and added a few overpriced VCD's and DVD's as these formats became better known and available. Among the dozen or so VCD's they randomly had in their janky glass display case was a one, BARONESS. It caught my eye being as it had the one and only Anthony Wong Chau-sang on the cover and also because it was a brand new release and they were hard to come by. I think it cost about $12? I returned the next day, again plunked down $12, and picked up my second VCD. The 1998 action flick THE BLACKSHEEP AFFAIR. Yeah, so maybe I was a little bit of a late VCD bloomer? But now I own well over 1,000, so I think I've made up for it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Yiptease (1998)

So back around 1998 I was only a few years in on my Hong Kong movie collection. We were still in the days of the VHS format and Hong Kong cinema was hard to come by unless you were willing to spend $40 + on Tai Seng offerings. I was willing to spend. The only other means of acquiring the HK goods were your local Chinatown, the artsy fartsy video store that was just a little too far to travel to, some shady dudes at a flea market, or the even shadier dudes that ran mail order 'gray market' businesses. As I have stated in previous posts, I am no stranger to mail order VHS. During this era of HK movie watching, sometimes watching 4-5 HK flicks a day, I was deeply immersed in the Cat III scene. A ton of starlets flashed across my screen in various states of undress. I was mostly watching heyday stuff, late 80's through early 90's, as the Cat III scene of the time was non-existent, and the woman who....STUCK OUT....most was Amy Yip. Most popular at this time in HK film history, she was much in demand, though never showed her goodies full on. It seemed an odd stunt seeing as her roles were built around her being top heavy. With the exception of Michael Mak Dong-kit's 1991 adult period piece SEX AND ZEN. You all should know the story behind Yip's nude scenes in the film so I will spare you.

Also, circa 1998, not much info was offered on the internet about HK cinema. There were a few sites in their infancy but fans had to seek out books like Stephan Hammond's "Sex and Zen and A Bullet in the Head, Frederic Dannen and Barry Long's "Hong Kong Babylon", and even the Thomas Weisser zine "Asian Cult Cinema" and it's awfully edited and error filled companion books. A few more followed as HK cinema became immensely popular. Ok, so enough history and on to the actual post.

Ordered through one of the many gray market catalogs that I subscribed too, Amy Yip gave her fans a video gallery titled, YIPTEASE. It was released around the late 90's and it's a collection of terminally dull vignettes of Yip and some unknown trampy pals of hers. If you are familiar with Yip's "Austin Power-like" Yip-teases then you need not touch this piece of soft core crap. It's torture to sit through. So I did so again. For you guys. You're welcome.

Clocking in at around an hour Yip finds herself maneuvering through a lame 'girls with guns' action scene where she and her crew clumsily run away from an explosion, doing a split...for whatever reason(!?), and walking around in a house coat and slippers. Now that got me all hot and bothered. WTF?

Yip fires off a few rounds, viewers do not

In between these awful scenes of Yip and cohorts acting like asses, we actually get to see some actual, well, asses. A handful of nude starlets awkwardly strip and pose for the camera. Sometimes solo and sometimes going at it two or more at a time. This might sound great and you might think that it's time for your pants to drop? But don't go warming the lotion just yet! These girls are some skanky harlots. They actually made me sad in my pants. I'm not quite sure if these vaseline lensed ho's that Yip hangs out with throughout the video are the same vaseline lensed ho's that get down to the devil's business? Maybe they have just been inserted into the video to make a dirty buck? I don't know and I don't care?

Yes Amy. We know. They're big. Show off!

There is also a brief scene with the skanky models en masse all over some young, jacked up Chinese stud. Dude, it's just awkward. The picture above shows a scene of Yip and Co. on the beach fighting over a freakin' coconut!?

One of the last vignettes shows the Yipster "working out", if that's what you would call it. At this point I was almost convinced that Amy was mentally handicap. I couldn't laugh anymore and I wondered if there was a cause that she was involved in that I might be able to donate money too?

Amy Ali said, "Knock You Out!"

The video finishes with clips of Yip concert footage that shows her performing on stage. I believe she is singing a canto version of Janet Jackson's 1990 'hit' "Black Cat." It's pretty bad. She also wears a few costumes that Aaron Kwok would love to borrow.
As you may have noticed in the photos, Yip isn't very appealing in this videogram. While the director does focus on her rather large mammaries, Yip herself, doesn't look all that sexy. The Yip on display is not the long raven haired vixen that we have all known and loved. Her hair is short and mullet-like. It looks like a friggin' football helmet! This whole thing just seems so ill conceived and hackneyed.
Now, I hope I steered you well clear of any thoughts of purchasing this softcore silliness, piece of garbage. Of course the gray market catalogs now offer YIPTEASE on DVD. But that doesn't make it any better. And i'm sure the quality of print would be similar to that of the VHS I own and the pics that you have just seen. Thank me for watching this shit and taking a copy out of circulation.
Right about here, I would advise that you all close your eyes and picture the GHOSTLY VIXEN, SEX AND ZEN, BLUE JEAN MONSTER Amy Yip. Discard the mullet sporting Yip from your memory. End this Amy Yip post on a good note.