Friday, February 12, 2010

The Mystery of the Big Boobs (1993)

The Mystery of the Big Boobs


They're staring at me!

$1.99 VCD. Overpriced.


Category I??? Huh? What the...????






Before I begin this post I would just like to wish everyone a....in my most awkward anglicized pronunciation....to all of the Cantonese speaking boys and gals out there...GUNG HAY FAT CHOI! SAN NIN FAAI LOK! And I musn't forget my Mandarin speaking friends...GONG XI FA CAI! XIN NIAN KUAI LE! I would also like to say...in my cleaned up, intelligent to the ear, trying not to sound too much like a 'New Yawker' verbiage, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! And now on with the show! It's the Year of the Tiger! RAWR! It's also Valentine's Day. And to celebrate, I tried to figure out what connects these two good time holiday's. And I came up with boobies. Boobies are fun, just like these holidays. I celebrate boobies, just like these holidays. And boobies come in two's....most of the time....just like these holiday's. Well, this year anyway. THE MYSTERY OF THE BIG BOOBS aka THE MYSTERY OF BIG BOOBS, is quite possibly one of the best titles ever! I prefer the misspelled title of the VHS and VCD pictured above, THE MISTERY OF BIG BOOBS. Because who needs a "Y" when you can have an "I"? Unfortunately the film is a monumental shitter. It's a shot on video G rated craptacular directed by Jeng Wing-chu, who also directed the very fine DEMONESS FROM THE THOUSAND YEARS and THE ROAR OF THE VIETNAMESE. Coming into this film knowing that the director had previously made some fine cinema, one expects something similar in range. At least production value. Clifton Ko Chi-sum produces this unsubtitled refuse that hasn't a hint of living up to it's wonderful Category III title. The title may lead some to believe the film might be something along the lines of a Cash Chin "coming of age" skin flick like THE FRUIT IS SWELLING, THE FRUIT IS RIPE or just a ripping Cat III sex romp detective yarn containing rather large mammaries as the macguffin? Neither is true as this crap wears out it's welcome within the first 10 minutes. The film stars FULL CONTACT whore Bonnie Fu Yuk-jing and the lovely Crystal Kwok Gam-yan. I'm sure you remember Ms. Bonnie Fu from FULL CONTACT? She was the one with "a vomiting crab" in the hole in her underpants. I would much rather have a vomiting crab in the hole in my underpants than sit through this shit again.







6 comments:

  1. Hey, I just co-incidentally found your blog. Had no idea it existed. It looks great - I will put a link up on my Blog. I can't believe someone actually watched The Mystery of the Big Boobs! When I used to rent in Chinatown back in the mid-90's one store always had this video on display but as curious as I was I was too embarrassed to buy it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks to King Who, you now don't have to. Look at how much shame he has saved you from! Somebody buy the King a beer; it's hard work wading through so much crap.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have endured much in my many years of watching HK cinema. I hope to post a quick review of a HK 'adult' feature pretty soon. I sometimes gladly subject myself to torture so you don't have to. I guess I don't have much shame?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brian, thanks for stopping buy and the link. I really enjoy your blog and was a frequent visitor to 'Brooklyn Bridge' back in the day. Chinatown still has a vcd or two of Mistery of Big Boobs knocking around if you want to pick one up. I would strongly advise against it though. haha

    ReplyDelete
  5. When I watch all the other HK films in the world I may come back to this film but I have a lot of bad films to see first! Not to sound stupid, but do I know you by another name in the real world. Just wonder if we ever met at the NYAFF or somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brian, I don't believe we have met. Though I have been aware and following the NYAFF since it was a HK film retrospective I have only attended the past two years. I was really lazy and didn't feel like making my way into the city to go. Now, I schedule my June around it. And again, I would advise to steer well clear of Mistery of Big Boobs. Even if it's the last HK film you hve left to watch.

    ReplyDelete