14 Blades

14 BLADES

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Poster for the Daniel Lee Yan-gong directed martial actioner, 14 BLADES, headlining Donnie Yen Ji-dan. I am not a fan of Daniel Lee Yan-gong who has also graced up with the empty WHAT PRICE SURVIVAL, BLACK MASK, A FIGHTER'S BLUES, DRAGON SQUAD, and the almost good THREE KINGDOMS: RESURRECTION OF THE DRAGON. His films are too sleek looking for me and appear to be rooted in the new, pretty looking HK cinema sensibilities. 14 BLADES isn't a total loss though. There are some nice fight sequences. A memorable fist to fist sequence even pits Yen against HK legend 'Big Brother' Chen Kuan-tai. Kate Tsui Tsz-shan appears as a baddie who sports braided hair that more resembles the Rastafarian look honed to perfection by the PREDATOR in the movie....well....PREDATOR. Ridiculous. Vickie Zhao-wei is in this mess and seems to be the go to chippie for HK/Mainland co-produced crap period actioners.

I watched 14 BLADES a few months back and the film was instantly forgettable for me. Looking to beef up this post, I breezed through the film again. I entirely forgot that the great Sammo Hung Kam-bo co-stars!? How the hell does someone forget Sammo Hung in a movie? Either I better start consuming more omega-3 or this film is tired? I will choose the latter.

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And for the ladies....and some of you gents, Mr. Yen takes his shirt off for a bath tub scene. He bathes in the tepid waters of his own narcissism. Rub a dub!

Friday Filler.

BEAUTY ON DUTY (2010)

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OK, so when i'm feeling really lazy and not up to writing too much I thought I would provide you guys with some filler. Which really means I am tired and lazy and will just throw up some pics, fractured subs, a video, or....whatever else I feel like. Right now I am tired an lazy. How lazy you ask? The heading for this post is 'Friday Filler' because I planned to post these pics on Friday. It is now Saturday..... so here is some filler. Enjoy!

Simon Yam Tat-wah in Ann Hui On-wah's NIGHT AND FOG

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"Let me touch your nibbles", BROTHER OF DARKNESS (1994)
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Charlie Cho Cha-lee in INTERNET MIRAGE (1999)

Fun with Category III

I've been fortunate enough to catch up on a few rare Category III titles this past week, thanks to Kenneth over at So Good Reviews. He sent me a wonderful care package full of beautiful trash and I figured I would share some of the filth with ya'll. Among the dirty titles are gems like I LOVE MISS FOX, HONG KONG EVA, THE LEDGEN EROTIC MOVIE STAR (yes, it's spelled LEDGEN!), GIRLS FROM CHINA, LOVE CHASER, DESIRE, and REVANCHIST. I have included a few screenshots in this post that sport some choice subtitles. If you would like full reviews of these zirconias in the rough, head over to So Good Reviews. And thank Kenneth. Thank you Kenneth!

The two screen shots above and the two immediately below are from the flicker, LEDGEN EROTIC MOVIE STAR aka THE LEGEND OF AN EROTIC MOVIE STAR, starring Liu Chi-tak, Nam Yan, Stuart Ong, and a Cat III 'ledgen' in his own right, the fantastic Lee Chung-ling. The film concerns a poor girl, Liu Chi-tak, from the mainland who leaves her home and husband for the bright lights of Hong Kong in hopes of making it big as an actress and eventually securing immigration papers for her husband so they can live happily ever after in HK. And of course, things don't go as planned. Upon arrival, she is forced into prostitution and then into 'blue movies.' The film easily mixes comedy, ye ol' in-out, and a touch of hanky panky rough housing. Liu is put through the wringer and her country bumpkin naivete is fully taken advantage of in rather explicitly rude ways. In one scene, a male actor, played by the seedy Stuart Ong, enlists a bunch of film crew pervs to run a train on Liu. All the while, Ms. Liu, who is blindfolded (which of course needs to be to make the scene work), thinks the soft core action is being performed solely by Mr. Ong. That shit is sometimes tough to watch, even for a jaded Cat III perv...ummm, enthusiast, like me . At first the misogyny is maddening, but as the film progresses, makes Liu's plight more endearing. Ok. I'm not going to read too much into this lovely filth. It is a fun and sometimes funny film that has a bucket load of naughty bits and fur for the fans. I like boobies.

Isn't it?
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STD jokes. A HK film staple.
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The next movie up is LOVE CHASER. An odd little Cat III comedy/drama with a touch of sorcery shitacular that is all over the place. The plot is a bit convoluted but, as the film unfolds, we meet the two main female characters in the film, who are sisters. One is a struggling actress and the other a whore, who's mother, played by legendary Shaw Bros. 'adult' film actress, Siu Yam-yam, is her pimp! Siu Yam-yam is credited as coming up with the original story. How much is actually from her noggin' is any ones guess? You can most recently see the iron jawed Siu in the HK cinema darling, THE GALLANTS. There is a ton of nudity and bangin' going on in LOVE CHASER which holds the film together. The film may not be for the casual viewer and will probably only be enjoyed by the most seasoned HK/Cat III film goer. It's an erotic hybrid of a film that vacillates wildly between comedy, melodrama, and horror, all culminating in blood and booger violence. Yes, I said, "booger." Check out the screen cap below to see what I mean. After the jealous boyfriend accidentally kills his beloved he breaks down in tears and mucus. Dig that string of snot leaking from his nose. I had to rewind this scene a few times because the tears of laughter in my eyes were blinding me and I wasn't really sure if I was seeing what I was seeing?! The boogie-string got longer and longer. The snot strand eventually sploshed down on the poor dead girls face. I almost shit! No one broke the scene. Probably the best acting I have ever seen in a Cat III movie!

Sir? Ummm? You have a little something....umm...right there.
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The rest of the screen caps belong to the film, I LOVE MISS FOX. The film appears to have been handled with a lot of care and scrapes the surface of legitimacy with it's production value and the inclusion of a cameo by popular Shaw Bros. actor Leung Kar-yan, aka Beardy. The Cat III 'ledgen', Lee Chung-ling, wraps this film together as a boring nerd married to another boring nerd, who just go through the mechanical motions of the everyday ho-hum. Lee travels to Macau for business and, once there, his pants rise when he lays eyes on the beautiful, and ALL natural, Lee wai-gwan. Yowza!!!! Boiiing! Upon doing the deed with his object of erection, Lee returns home a new man and attempts to inject some more excitement into his home life. Complications arise when his Macau conquest shows up in HK. Director Stephen Yip Tin-hang fashions a fun nudie romp that sometimes pushes towards a bit of bedroom farce. It unfortunately doesn't fully go in that direction but the odd man out mishaps of Lee are still very funny and charming. In my opinion, Lee Chung-ling is the Cat III equivalent of the mainstream Tony leung Chiu-wai (who is one of my favorite actors in ALL of cinema). Lee, like Leung, is an everyman actor. Not the tall, strapping leading man type. But his presence is ever serviceable and he brings a level of assurance to each production. And as an everyman who constantly gets to knock it around with sexy starlets, he gives schlubs like me a reason to believe that we can too!

What stink! Shit!

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Again, big ups to Kenneth. Please visit Kenneths review site, So Good Reviews. Also, check out Kenneth and his Asian cinema cohorts on the very cool podcast, Podcast On Fire. Kenneths knowledge of HK films, as an adoring fan, is unrivaled.

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Also, If you like to have fun with Hong Kong film subtitles and you are a member of Facebook, go on over to the hysterical Hong Kong Subtitles page and peruse some funny broken subs. The page is run by Brian Kirby, a great guy and HK cinema fan. Join the page and you can even add your own! It was also recently confirmed that Mr. Kirby will have a recurring column of fractured HK subs in the pages of Jade Screen magazine. Congrats Brian!

Because he likes to stick it in the bottomest!
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Around NYC C-town 8/19/10

Wei and I were in C-town yesterday for dinner at our fave spot, Big Wong's, and also to do a little HK movie shopping. Made out pretty well. Came home with about 33 HK movies for around $90. Picked up a few new titles like IP MAN 2, THE GALLANTS, and BEAUTY ON DUTY. Also found a few Category III titles to add to my collection. The coolest being WOMAN IN LUST, starring my main man Charlie Cho Cha-lee. I also found a vcd of the film, NIGHT GIRLS. Back in May I showcased the poster for you guys. Don't think NIGHT GIRLS is rated CAT III, but this flick also stars my buddy Cha-lee. So that's good enough for me. WOMAN IN LUST and NIGHT GIRLS, my two new favorite movies.

Check out the poster for NIGHT GIRLS.

Note: Big thank you to Glenn over @ the 'A Pessimist is Never Disappointed' blog for showing this computer illiterate blogger how to link other content to the blog properly. I am now cool like eveyone else! And i'm about to do it again.....so, check out Glenn's blog right.......HERE!


Above and below are pics I took while shopping. The store above is my home away from home, New York Music & Gifts. It's located on the corner of Canal St. and Bowery and is where I buy almost ALL of my movies from. The proprietors are kind people (to Wei and I, anyway) and are always friendly when we show up. And not because they know a fool and his money will soon part. They actually remember us. Or maybe they just remember my Michael Berrymanesque face? We have become friendly over the past few years and they even set aside posters especially for me. Or so they tell me! I also picked up the posters for the films IP MAN 2, BLACK RANSOM, 14 BLADES, and FIRE OF CONSCIENCE. Below are pics of some posters they have outside of the establishment. Also a few other posters from another Asian movie shop that I frequent, P-Tune & Video Corp., on Chrystie St.

IP MAN 2

TRUE LEGEND

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FUTURE X COPS
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BLACK RANSOM
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THE LEGEND OF BRUCE LEE
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IP MAN 2 and GALLANTS

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ECHOES OF THE RAINBOW and ONCE A GANGSTER

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Dirty DVD's

JIN PIN MEI, DEADLY CAMP 2003, BEAUTY OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE

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Been a while since I showcased some of my collection. Ahhhhh....back to basics. JIN PIN MEI is the first in a series of 5 or so 'historical' bangabouts based on an ancient Chinese novel. The novel, The Plum in the Golden Vase, has also been recently updated in the Cash Chin man-kei directed SEX AND CHOPSTICK series. I have only seen the first film in the JIN PIN MEI series, pictured above, and it's boobie abundant. The film has a certain cheap charm but it doesn't scrape the fun 'historical' muck tapped a few years earlier in SEX AND ZEN. DEADLY CAMP 2003 is a made on the cheap nudie thriller that is a slow haul. A bunch of idiots set off for a remote island and....you know where this is headed. While there are bouncing body parts on display, which is always a good time, this is a film you will need to prop your eyelids open with toothpicks to watch. It co-stars Tony Ho Wah-chiu, a respectable character actor and an actor I happen to really like. The early 2000's was a tough time for most everybody, so I will give Tony a pass on this one. At least he had the good grace to star in a film with ninnies in it! BEAUTY OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE is a cheap and silly nudie movie. The kind I could watch all day long. It's not a scary flick like the title may suggest, but a ghost comedy....with beautiful naked bits strewn about. Directed by female director Ka Ka. She played prostitute #4 in Fruit Chan Goh's DURIAN, DURIAN. Just so ya know.

Cat III = Hooray!

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DISTINCTIVE, GIRL GANG, EMOTIONAL GIRL-DOUBT OF DISTRESS

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DISTINCTIVE is a slow moving peanut filled turd of a movie. It's billed as a CAT III horror flick that is totally void of any CAT III attributes. Absolutely zero boobs, butt, bush, or blood. The film stars Cecilia Yip Tung, Ku Feng, and Chan kwok-bong. The first film directed by some schmo named Agan. Beware. He's still getting regular work. DISTINCTIVE is torturous in every way. GIRL GANG aka SEXY PLAYGIRLS, is a fairly decent troubled chickie youth drama from 1993. Troubled youth pics were abundant around this time and always concerned idiot youths. So, that staple is used here as well, as silly girls make some bad decisions and get roped into the triads and forced to be prostitots. Brief naked bits but it's still good times! EMOTIONAL GIRL -DOUBT OF DISTRESS, is another flick that lurches about like people really came to see the drama. We want the good stuff and lots of it! T&A is A-OK! We do get some naughty bits to leer at though. Trampy Julie Lee Wa-yuet goes full-bore and in one scene rubs her brillo pad against Chang Kuo-chu's face. Cecilia Yiu Ching-ching also shows her enhanced top half for the fans. I'm not one of them. Frankenstein parts are not for me.

Rock On Fire (1994)

Just a quick action clip from the CAT III nudie/actioner ROCK ON FIRE aka GIRL ON FIRE, from 1994. Pretty sweet film on the T&A and gun/foot/fist play fronts. Kind of an obscure pic that was lost in the sea of early 90's boobs and butt productions. The film also includes a necrophilia scene (not shown in the above clip. Perverts.) as genre stalwart Stuart Ong sticks it to the recently deceased Suen Tong. I believe the scene may have been trimmed for the HK release? The version I viewed appeared to have the scene intact. Corpses are for loving.

Once in a lifetime photos of Hong Kong celebs and I. A craptacular pictorial: Into the Blur

Simon Yam and I @ 2010 NYAFF....that's us....really!!!

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So, I have been toying around with the idea of actually showing my mug on this blog. I'm really not the showy type who draws a lot of attention to myself. Though, my facebook page has a ton of pics showing my Nosferatu visage. But the pics are only open to my friends and they already know I look like a talcum powdered foot. So, as I continue noodling with the idea of showing my bad side for the world to see, I remembered that I had a few shit, dark, out of focus pics with me and a few celebs that would be fun to post. The above pic of me and my bff Simon Yam Tat-wah, I thankfully have another picture of. A clear picture. The other three shown below are one-off's. Once in a lifetime opportunities I will either chalk up to my old shit camera or the mentally handicapped good samaritan that snapped the pic....with my shit camera. Enjoy....point....and laugh.

M.C. Jin and I at the 2010 NYAFF premiere of GALLANTS (an actual photographer took this pic.....with my shit camera)


Me and Pang Ho-cheung @ the Tribeca Film Festival showing of DREAM HOME



Me and John Woo @ Asia Society's showing of RED CLIFF....f*!%ing flash!?!
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Beantown C-town '09/'10

Beantown C-town Gate

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Wei and I drove up to Boston this past weekend. One of her college friends was getting married and since this is a couple we actually like, we decided to take the 5 hour drive. A quick word about the wedding. Cash bar. Enough said. But the weekend wasn't a total loss. We didn't have much time for sight seeing but we really didn't care. We had already been to Boston last year and since it is a very compact city we were able to traipse 90% of it in less than a weekends time . What I did have my eye on this time around was hitting up Chinatown....again.....of course! And we hit it. Above is my Beantown C-town haul. 27 HK flicks for 86 bucks. I bought a bunch of films I already had. Some in different formats and others from different distributors. You can't really go wrong buying doubles, triples, or quadruples of titles like DR. LAMB, TWIST, I LOVE MARIA and POM POM AND HOT HOT for $2 a piece. Didn't really take many pics this time around bc we went nutty like Japanese tourists during last years visit. And C-town hadn't changed a lick. So, below I posted a few pics from this years and last years trip to Boston's C-town. It's a very small Chinatown in comparison to the other's I have visited but if you ever find yourself in the area, it's worth a quick walkabout.

DVD/VCD/souvenir shop. Saw bootlegs of TRIPLE TAP and SHANGHAI here.

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DVD/VCD/Souvenir shop. Nice selection of older HK titles.

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Yes. This place sells HK movies AND aquariums!? Sadly, more fish than films.

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Hello! Who is it?
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Delicious Dim Sum at Windsor Dim Sum Cafe
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Bubble Tea and Cha Sha Bao
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Tyler St., Boston Chinatown
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2010 NYAFF Opening Weekend-part 2

On the Sunday of the fests opening weekend I had tickets to see the Pang Bros. CGI craptacular, STORM WARRIORS and the Teddy Chen Tak-sum epic BODYGUARDS AND ASSASSINS. A few days before the fest a facebook and HK film cohort, Ian Friedman, who is part of the cool blog HK and Cult Cinema News (check out my blog roll for the link), messaged me and asked if I would like to tag along while he interviewed Simon Yam Tat-wah for his blog? I think ya'll know my answer? After dropping quite a massive wet one in my drawers, running around my apartment, and screeching like a little school girl, I of course said, "sure." Initially I was just on board to maybe snap a few photos but I got my hands on a chintzy video camera and a full fledged video interview was born.
I had to forgo the screening to STORM WARRIOR to be in on the Yamtacular interview, but I wasn't to broken up about. I have the DVD and probably won't get around to it anytime soon. Got to the theater a bit early, and as I was walking toward the entrance, Simon was walking out. Deer in the headlights. I stuck around outside, gawked and stalked a bit as Simon spoke on the phone, sipped coffee, and puffed a smoke. As wetness trickled down my moist thighs, I snapped the above shot of the back of his head. As Simon finished his call, coffee, and cig almost simultaneously, I approached my HK idol and introduced myself. He was extremely gracious and welcomed my handshake. I told him how much I enjoyed the previous nights screening of ECHOES OF THE RAINBOW (ok, so I fibbed a bit. So what of it?) and how my fiance cried her eyes out. He appeared grateful. We left it at that. With a big grin on my face, another handshake, and a wave. He went back inside and I headed to the bathroom to clean my jeans.

Hiroshi Fukuzawa, director of DEVELOPMENT HELL

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Ian Friedman and Simon Yam Tat-wah

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30 minutes or so after my Yam meet and greet, Ian and I were allowed 15 minutes or so for a chat up. Simon suggested we do the interview outside and who were we to say no? I knew my video camera was going to have sound issues capturing Yam and his soft spoken voice with the NY street ambiance obtrusive as it always is. And it was. I positioned my camera, pressed record, stood back with a few Yam handlers and other oglers, and wet myself a second time. Ian and Yam were great. It was a fun interview and it actually looks pretty damn cool. The one problem is the sound. It's almost inaudible. Ian is going to try and jack up the audio somehow and maybe add subtitles? So, hopefully we can get the interview up shortly. It's nothing hard hitting or earth shattering. But it was fun.

Simon signing autographs

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Look at that punum

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Cooler than the other side of the pillow

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Stalker photo of Sammo and Joyce chillin'
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The gorgeous Joyce Godenzi
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After the interview I stuck around for the screening of BODYGUARDS AND ASSASSINS. I had seen the film already on a good looking Mandarin language Taiwanese print. It was even better on the big screen. A few issues here and there with pacing but easily overlooked as the exposition stalls for an hour long foot and fisticuffs corker of a finale. Before the film, the fest screened an hour long documentary on the perilous journey B&A took from script to screen over a few decades. Director Hiroki Fukazaw was on hand to intro this film, DEVELOPMENT HELL, along with Grady Hendrix. While not the best documentary you are bound to see, some bits were particularly interesting. Purporting to show the B&A production as 'bad luck' the film takes a turn and follows the poor luck of filmmaker Teddy Chen Tam-suk as he literally goes through muck and mire developing and filming his previous movies. If behind the scenes shit doesn't crap up poor Teddy, his mother also passes away. Filming parts of his mother's funeral and its actual inclusion in the film, while initially questionable, is quite touching and left a lingering impact. If there was anybody you wanted to see come through and make B&A, it was Teddy. I have heard/read conflicting reports on the release of the documentary. At the fest it was reported that the film was never going to be released and director Chen and producer Peter Chan H0-san wish to not even have the film screened at festivals. If this was truth or a joke, it was lost on me. I have also heard that the film will be included in a HK DVD release packaged with B&A. We'll see.

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After the film I hung around for a bit and was able to take a pic with Simon and have him autograph my copy of his hey day CAT III flick ( and my fave CAT III film) RUN AND KILL, as well as a copy of ECHOES OF THE RAINBOW. Really not an autograph whore, but Simon holds a special place in my world. I also have a great photo with him. His arm wrapped around my back, hand on my shoulder. My arm wrapped around his back, hand holding his side. It's very homoerotic! hahaha Toying with the idea of throwing it up on the blog along with other pics of me and other HK cinema related folk. What do you guys think? Should I plaster my mug on the blog? I'm not sure? My facebook profile has a ton of pics with my Michael Berryman-esque noggin' front and center.

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Leaving the theater, I headed down the escalator, speaking to Wei on my cell. As I got to the bottom of the escalator I looked up. Stepping on to the 'up' escalator was Sammo and Joyce. I paused mid-sentence with Wei (I think I may have hung up on her?), and wet myself for a third time. My eye caught Joyce's and she did a double take. Her eyes were wide, beautiful, and a bit weary. The whites seemed an odd electric purple color in the late afternoon haze. Stepping off the escalator I froze. A minute or two later, after I regained use of my legs, I ventured back up the escalator. Sammo and Joyce were inside the venue and I was able to take a few stalker like shots of the two. I picked up my conversation with Wei again, as I hung up on her upon seeing Joyce, and headed home to sprinkle baby powder on my soggy nether regions. Damn fine opening weekend.

THE DEMON WET NURSE (1992)

THE DEMON WET NURSE

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Nom nom nom nom

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Haven't put up a poster in a while so here ya go. The 1992 Ho Jo-fai directed Cat III period skin flick THE DEMON WET NURSE aka MADAME FUNG SHEN'S LOVER. Most likely inspired by the costumed bang-arounds of the day, namely SEX & ZEN and the like, the film plays mostly as a drama with little exploitation shenanigans, though there are some lovely body parts on display. The great video title appears to have been changed from the more tame MADAME FUNG SHEN'S LOVER to the pretty cool and edgy THE DEMON WET NURSE. Charlie Cho Cha-lee makes an appearance, and if memory serves me correctly, gets in on the naked action. I haven't seen this turkey in a few months and really didn't care to dig my VHS out to give it another go as a refresher. You should all know by now that i'm a lazy so and so. I posted my VHS of the film back in March.

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Looking to get back in the swing of things in the coming weeks and return to my original format of posting my HK crap collection. There will be some quick and fun filler thrown in like HK subtitles and maybe a video or funny screen shot thrown in here and there. Just a quick blast of mirth while you are exploring your blog roll. Easily digestible stuff. I also have a bunch of HK/US locations to throw out there. Stay tuned.