Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday Moo Shu

First things first. A little plug for my buddy at Shelf Life Clothing. His new creation is ready for shipping. I just got mine this weekend and it feels so great up against my luscious man breasts. I'm sure it will cup and snuggle your man juggs as well. Please hit up Shelf Life Clothing and gear up for the upcoming 14th anniversary of the Hong Kong handover this coming July with the aptly named Handover Tee. I now own a Shelf Life shirt for every day of the week! Be cool like me, yo! Word up!
Last weekend we celebrated Wei's birthday by heading into Flushing for dim sum with her family. Wei is now finely into her 30's and if I don't marry her soon will be classified as a spinster. It was cold as heck out but we persevered against the wind towards Ocean Jewel Seafood Restaurant, a great dim sum spot that we frequent in Flushing's C-town. The wind whipped our faces as we wiped the flowing snot away from our upper lips. It was a rough one. On the way, we came across the above store window, where I noticed a picture of Chow Yun-fat, hawking something or other? I asked Wei what product Yun-fat was drumming and she had no clue. She doesn't read Chinese well. Bad girl! So, she asked her father. Oh my lord. We continued to walk toward dim sum as Wei's father struggled to explain to her in Chinese, and I could tell by his stutter and 'jerky' hand gestures that this was gonna be great! Wei turned to me to relay her dad's message but I already knew what he was talking about. And I grinned like a Cheshire cat. And I giggled like a school girl. And I'm still giggling as I write this. Wei and her dad had a nice discussion about Chow Yun-fat and erectile dysfunction.

The following pics are of my man boobylicious dim sum adventure. There were six of us but we ate as if there were 12. We usually get to the restaurant a bit late, though before the noon throng of really late late-comers, and as such, get shuttled into one of the back rooms. I always quickly note to Wei that the hostess sees the white boy in the entourage and make us sit waaaay in the back. I'm a bit of a shit.

My favorite. Bacon wrapped shrimp balls w/ sweet mayo

Feast fit for a Kingwho?

Chicken feet or.....Phoenix Claws. Because that sounds so much cooler.

Mmmmm. Phoenix Claws

Mango Pudding. I added the parasol to be kitschy.

After dim sum Wei, her mother, and I headed into the Flushing Mall to talk business. There is a wedding center inside the mall and that was the main destination. The secondary one (main in my book) was to the dvd joint. As Wei and her mother putzed around the wedding center I quickly made a dash to the dvd joint. Slim pickin's this week so I only picked up one movie. A few pics below, my sole spoil, Goretti Mak Yan-yan and Clement Cheng Si-kit's MERRY GO ROUND. I returned to the wedding center where Wei and her mother were deep into negotiations with one of the wedding joint ladies. I sat down and listened to the Mandarin flow back and forth and just shook my head when needed. I didn't know what the heck was going on? This process should be fun!?

After the mall, it was back out into the biting cold of the mean streets of Flushing. We made a few stops before departure. Above, standing on line waiting to pick up fish balls. This place, on Roosevelt Ave., west of Main St., doubles as a florist. The fish balls besting the floral arrangements.

Wedding shenanigans fresh on Wei's mothers mind, we stopped at this bakery to inquire about a wedding cake. Also picked up some bubble tea for the ride home and to top off my jiggly man rack.

Bakery Amour

Merry Go Round
I haven't put up a video clip in a while so here ya go. The cool finale of the 1993 Girl-gang actioner, PINK PANTHER aka PINK KILLER. I found this dvd (actually 2 of them) in the back of an old San Francisco Chinatown shop. I bought both for a buck each. A great find. Enjoy the anti-misogynistic mayhem as girls rule and triad punks drool. Buy PINK KILLER here.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Legend of Wind (2000)


A CAT III film about a legendary Shaolin passer of gas? Not quite. But there is a foul breeze coming from this cheap budget action-banger. Sporting popular dirty old men Charlie Cho Cha-lee and William Ho Ka-kui is a nice touch and makes the film worth a cursory once over. Having these lechers in the fold points to having some second hand starlets shed their clothes. I'll take it!

Ben Ng Ngai-cheung, Lily Chung Suk-wai, and Philip Ko Fei are the other notable faces looking to pay the rent in this paltry 2000 effort. Of other note in this crapper is the participation Benny and Rocky Lai Keung-kuen. Both brothers were part of Jackie Chan's Stunt Team. A few unnoticeable actors flesh out the cast with only one of the unknown actresses actually showing her flesh. LEGEND OF WIND plays back and forth with two stories that run concurrently, eventually crossing paths. One story centers around Ben Ng seeking revenge on the person(s) responsible for his fathers murder and the other concerns a former police officer hiring a female hit squad to take out a rival. Sounds kick-ass. It's not. LEGEND OF WIND gets constantly sidetracked (though the sidetracking i'm mostly pointing too is of the nekkid kind) becoming entirely uninvolving, taking a while to get it's juices flowing. There is action of the bullet and banging kind with some shitty foot and fisticuffs thrown in, and, along with the nudity, just hangs around long enough to keep you hanging around.

The actress above, who I can't place, is 1/3 of the gaggle of hit-women. She appears to be the center of the girl gang. I point her out here because she is quite fetching, in a way. Unfortunately, she sports a gnarly caterpillar above her upper lip. You could wax and handlebar that bad boy. Each time she popped up on screen, the Jimmy Buffet tune 'Pencil Thin Mustache' would play in my head.


The loveable Charlie Cho Cha-lee

To Love Ferrari

Charlies d**k knows many a marginally attractive skid row starlet pretty well. Cho gets to stick it to one of the hit-women a few times and also flashes some pubes to keep your lady friend interested. She'll probably be making a mental note of Cho's underwear hair for later on. You're welcome! But i'm sure you'd probably be watching this one alone. Perverts can take note that this particular no-name actress is quiet top heavy and could suckle a family of 5 for weeks with her endowments. Ka-kui also gets it on with a duo of rough faced strumpets.

I must tame you!

The climax of LEGEND OF WIND might take you by surprise, culminating in a half way decent helicopter vs. car action scene. This is most likely where this cheap films $ went to. It's most certainly not a saving grace, and a little too late, but a welcome eye opener in this middling CAT III cheapo.

I was hoping for the best with LEGEND OF WIND. It nicely includes the CAT III goodies and that just might keep you from pushing fast forward? A little know title that is most definitely like sex and pizza.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Les Actrices Chinoises.....almost!

A few months back I was contacted by a fine young gentleman who asked if I would like to be part of a project? A book. The book, Les Actrices Chinoises, as seen above, is a French published edition by Ecrans, concerning our beloved Chinese cinema. What was requested of me were DVD cover scans of some of my CAT III collection to go along with an article on CAT III films in HK cinema. And, as it turned out, the article was being written by a Facebook friend. So, of course I wanted to help out. Pro bono is no problemo. Now, as most of you know, I am virtually computer illiterate. Oh sure, I can get by, Facebooking, searching for HK cinema stuffs, and trolling the depths of depravity by clicking through many a glorious porn site. It's good times! My future ex brother-in-law or my sisters ex-fiance (don't ask) was a bit of a computer nerd and had a scanner handy. I enlisted him for the task and dug through my collection to find some titles that were asked for. I also decided to scan a few CAT III collector item sleaze for the fellow. So, after coming together for an hour here and there, finding time in our lazy ass schedules, the scanning was finished. Copied to a zip, from computer to computer flawlessly, and off to my new book buddy. Simple Simon.

My book buddy got back to me a few days later. No bueno. The pictures, according to the book publisher, were unprintable due to the low picture quality. Sad face. But, all was not lost if I would be able to change the DPI!!! Tah-ha! Sure. No problem! WTF IS DPI????

Well, turns out my affection for CAT III trash led me to a lesson learned. DPI stand for Dots Per Inch. OK. I can see that. Now WTF is Dots Per Inch? The almighty Wikepedia told me that DPI is " a measure of spatial printing or video dot density, in particular the number of individual dots that can be placed in a line within the span of 1 inch (2.54 cm). The DPI value tends to correlate with image resolution, but is related only indirectly." Now, i'm not that dense so I can see where this was headed.....back to my future ex brother-in-law. He tweaked the images with the measurements given by my book buddy. This process, though simply accomplished by pushing a few buttons on the keyboard, is rather tedious. I felt bad for my future ex brother-in-law as he was doing this for me in his spare time. So I bought him a pizza. An entire pie. He ate it. All. The pics were fixed, zipped, computer to computer with ease, and emailed.

Still no bueno. Dag nabbit! I was given another set of measurements and trudged back to my future ex bro-in-law. Another pizza, this time with garlic knots. The pix were fixed and sent off. This time around I got the head nod, high five, thumbs up, chest bump! I was so very happy I could help out. This post is about the scans I sent off for print. A few you have seen on this blog before, namely, the Loletta Lee Lai-chun pics you'll cruise by below. Nothing really obscure, aside from the pics directly above and below. I found a really great paperback photo album of the late Pauline Cha Bo-lin years ago on Ebay and figured it would fit the article. The two pics here are the front and back covers of the album. Enjoy them and the rest.

I hope you enjoyed the scans here because.....they didn't make the final cut! Negatory. I coulda been an offender! Just before the books official release in December my book buddy got back to me and relayed that the publisher still couldn't use the photos. The DPI, or whatever the heck it was this time, was still off. I was a tad discouraged but not completely put out. I had made a new Chinese cinema friend (and Facebook friend, because, isn't that what it's all about?) in my book buddy. He's a nice chap and it wasn't his harm that was foul. I was more than happy to help and will be more than happy to help in the future if such another endeavour should arise. I will do it for love of the game. So, i'm not 'published'? So what? I still have my CAT III movies. My babies. My loves.

The book is out now. Hook my book buddy up with some of your Paypal cash. Get it HERE.
And I can't forget to thank a great blog friend, Duriandave, who pointed my book buddy toward my blog. Duriandave, who unfortunately just recently closed up shop on his irreplaceable blog, Soft Film, also helped out my book buddy with this project. Thanks so much Duriandave!