Back in December I wrote a post briefly recounting my days with gray market
VHS from various mail order companies. I went back and viewed some of these diamonds in the rough that I haven't seen since before the days of the
internet. Below is an old review of "
LEWD LIZARD aka CHONG" I wrote for
cityonfire.com. This crazy-fun flick was written, directed by and also starred veteran actor
Wai Wang. This guy clearly had issues. Accompanying the review are a few screen shots of the crap ass
SLP VHS that I paid $25 bucks for over a dozen years ago. I could upgrade to a gray market
DVD of the film but two wrongs doesn't make a right. Enjoy.
David leaves his girlfriend behind to study abroad. They both proclaim their undying love for one another and his girlfriend promises to wait for him. But being the
savvy cinematic folk all of us are, we know better. Upon returning to
HK, David finds his girlfriend has married someone else! Betrayed, Davey-boy goes a bit nuts. He seeks revenge on his ex, her new beau, and the beau's gang. For no other reason than plot device, David hoofs it to the sea shore to recount his recent maladies. There he finds lizards and a budding scheme.
Panty sniffer!
He begins to frequent ho-houses but not for companionship. A whiff of a hooker's undercarriage undergarment sets his plan forward. David then befriends a female at a seaside resort who helps him steal panties from unsuspecting females in changing booths. A great excuse for some t&a. Now David turns into a mad scientist (this must have been his field of study overseas). He mixes the 'essence' of the dirty panties with venom from various reptiles. He then injects the results into lizards, thus creating... Lewd Lizards!!! David begins to mete out punishment, via lizard, to his wrong doers. Shoving them where the sun seldom shines and watching his victims writhe in ecstasy...then agony.
Now that's quality gray market craftsmanship!
Great 70's type porn music and campy production values make Lewd Lizard a raunchy good time. It's a shame the warped imagination that bred films like this and used to permeate
Hong Kong cinema is nowhere to be found nowadays.
You can never have too many copies of HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS on hand. Below you will find an ancient review I did for cityonfire.com. The 1996 Category III roughie HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS is a film to behold and cherish. It really is. The film is chock full of sick and trashy elements not limited to the bangin' of a goose and some 'water sports'. This Cat III masterpiece took no less than three, count 'em, 1-2-3 directors to complete. Rumor has it that this was the inspiration for the 2007 crime film TRIANGLE. Hark, Lam, and To were such big fans of HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS that they decided to join foces to make a similar pic. At least that's what some random asian dude told me. We were sitting in the bathroom of a Chinese food joint around Chatham Square. He was in the stall next to me and as his foot so gently brushed against mine under the stall, he layed that yarn on me. Now, a story like that just HAS to be true! The film sometimes looks to be 3 seperate stories thinly connected by an actor or two. If this is a cut and paste production it's well done. And did I mention that some dude bangs a goose! Classic!
If you can make it through the opening credits, set in a slaughterhouse where a real cow is slaughtered (slicing, dicing, chainsawing, blood) you'll be just fine. This low budget Category III roughie concerns an extended family of down on their luck shoemakers. When the patriarch disappears, a twisted cobbler surfaces hawking a new type of leather that will turn their woes into $$$$.
Turns out their new fabric isn't leather at all...but....HUMAN SKIN!!!...AAGGGGHHHH!!! Creative scenes and great camera work elevate HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS above most CAT III fare. The films supporting stars are Dick Wei playing a cop and Shing Fui-on playing a triad, respectively. Billy Chow also briefly appears but bites it fairly quick. The rest of the cast are well worn players. If HK cinema is old hat to you the faces will be recognizable. Most notably Lam Chak-ming and Suen Tong.
While not wholly successful in it's telling, the trademarks that inhabit good Cat. III films are. The rape scenes are rough and twisted. The actresses attire seem to be peeled off as easy as a banana and characters spit out gems like "what a ferocious woman! I want to tame you"! There is enough skin and nastiness on display to satisfy the pervs and those looking for some gun-play, there is a way out of place explosive ending that's kinda cheesy but welcome. The film sports questionable directing, editing, and acting. A triumvirate of crapiness that most films can't outrun. But HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS manages to do so with ease. Ed Wood type laughs include Lam Chak-ming backing up and knocking into a bicycle before an edit and him reacting a second or two too early as he is attacked from behind. Laugh out loud funy stuff. All of this makes for fantastic garbage cinema.
With it's title, premise, and warped scenes of depravity, HORRIBLE HIGH HEELS status as a classic cult film seems secure.
The same location. Decidedly different. The restaurant is still there but i'm not sure if it is the exact same establishment. Today, the restaurant goes by the name of Sunshine 27. It has a much different facade incorporating a bunch of fish tanks into it's decor. 2010
Dirty Chinatown Dai lo Melvin Wong walking toward his car after viewing his brothers dead body below the Brooklyn Bridge. Manhattan side. 1982
Obviously this pic is slightly different than the long shot featured in the screen cap. This pic might have been taken from where my main man Melvin was standing? 2010
Pretty cool little shootout on Mott Street. On the far side of the street, to the right, is my favorite C-town eatery Big Wong's. Note the sign. Before..... 1982
And after. The 2010 Big Wong sign is, well, big and yellow. The facade is different as well. Going from a red tile finish to a nicer and more city friendly brick. 2010
Some punk ass triad small potatoes running scarred down Doyer's Street. 1982
This pic and the one above it are of the same location. This pic is the beginning of the final shootout. It's on the corner of Doyers Street and and Pell Street. 1982
The same intersecion of Doyers and Pell. 2010
I'll have to look at the film again but I believe this might be a pic of Don "The Dragon" Wilson riding the roof of a station wagon with gun-a-blazing down Pell street towards Mott Street. 1982
View from Pell Street looking west toward Mott Street....sans Don "The Dragon" and station wagon. 2010
Finally this is the view from Mott Street looking southward toward the Chatham Square and Worth Street intersection. 2010
After the carnage. Last man standing Alan Tang Kwong-wing walks down blood soaked Mott Street towards the Chatham Square/ Worth Street intersection. THE END. 1982
Before Wai Ka-fai was Wai Ka-fai he was Wai Ka-fai. Well, before Wai Ka-fai the auteur was Wai Ka-fai the auteur as we now him, he made a movie. His debut feature, "PEACE HOTEL", was a revisionist western....well, western. Produced by John Woo and starring Chow Yun-fat and Cecelia Yip, Wai Ka-fai showed that he had a strong base for concept and even panache in his execution. He gave HK filmgoers in 1995 some cause for hope. Unfortunately it's difficult to hold an industry on your shoulders even with the help of his Milkyway co-founder Johnnie To. They sure as hell do try though.
Moses Chan 
Jet Li
